Do you really know God? ... Ramblings

            I must admit that this is a randomly prepared unprepared cluster of words thrown together to make appear as though I have a clear message. You may or may not feel like this is worth reading, there are many grammatical errors and my paragraph format is somewhat nonexistent, however this article is not meant to be a theological break through or a masterful peace of literature. It is a short story, a very simple and complex story of God's working in a simple minded woman who, by her own admission, is a vile sinner with no hope. Some very subtle yet profound things have brought light to once hidden dark corners of my most inner self, you know...those web encrusted shadows you conveniently overlook when cleaning. I am not special because God is working in my life , I am wretched enough to need an intervention, by the only intercessory capable of reaching those dark places. God has showed me time and time again that I cannot make it in the world without him, and by my stubbornness he has repeatedly spared not the rod. God has shown me through other families, through non-believers, through believers, through mere babes in His image, through many situations and examples and it has just recently hit the "ahh" revelation moment.( I'm pretty dense) God has worked many a miracle in my life and lives around me and I shruggingly respond with a " oh, what a blessing, God is amazing" with about as much emphasis as I would ask you " hey there, so what are you up to?" when I call you on the phone. Do we really take into account the blessing's God bestows on us daily? Do we really see the beauty of our simpleton daily struggles? I am no Martyr, I do not risk my life for Christ's Gospel. I do not see the blood on my hands, I can't even bring myself to be bothered with harassment from people for sharing Jesus' name openly. Sure it sounds good in speeches and prayers and when talking with your Christian friends, but do we really want to wear that sack cloth?
            What I am saying is, is this reformed theology I am wearing just something to wear to be different or better than the average? No, the doctrine of sovereign Grace is a gift from our Lord, not to be taken lightly or paraded around by over sized words and academic prowess. It is to accept the Lord my God has the power and the privilege to decide the fate of his creation, from the potato beetle to the dirt we were formed from. I am no scholar, I have no exceptional academic record, I am a horribly simple, plain female human being God created and has a plan for. I am no better than the worst of sinners. I had this notion in my head that in order to be of God and to know God you had to know many a fancy word and be able to vaguely read bits of Hebrew to succeed in this world. This is what I know, as it has been shown to me, I need to know Christ's redemptive work and his Gospel which was GIVEN to us. I do not need to know any more than God wants me to learn, I have one sole reason for existence on this masterfully crafted planet, and that is to serve CHRIST...I am a servant of Christ, a slave!
           I thank God for a sermon that I heard just today.  Jesse and I have been given access to an amazing body of Christ that we fellowship with every Sunday, a wealth of information and example is given to us in the form of friends, elders, brothers and sisters in Christ. I am thankful for what we have in them and I am especially thankful for what I heard today, and also that the Lord can sustain me through so many convictions in a single day! He has brought me Lo and shows me areas of my life I have either not surrendered or that I have "taken back" from lack of trust. How can I shake my head at the Israelites for questioning God after he brought them out of Egypt when I question his ability to handle all the areas of my life. Who am I? I live in a quaint town with a favorable climate on a large acreage, with many fruitful animals and an incredible husband and beautiful daughter, we drive working vehicles and carry on comfortable lives and have a sweet church family. Do you see the sacrifice in this? Not saying we must all sell all our possessions and fly out to a remote country to minister to a cannibalistic tribe of pagans, but I am asking, what am I doing for Christ? Do I serve Him in all that I do, do I sacrifice my comforts for His Gospels sake?  Do I give Him the honor and Glory for all that He does and gives? Do I grasp whole heatedly to his Word and His commandments to take them seriously? Or do I just scratch the surface of these areas? Would I truly want to give my sweet little life for Christ and be burned at the stake? HE has caused me to look deeply at those very questions and God has burdened my heart with conviction and my need for repentance and the need for his forgiveness. Thank you God Almighty for chastening the most wicked of men and the most vile sinners such as me. May Gods light shine through me and onto you. There is so much on my mind to say but I could never make sense of it if I had to write it down so, once my mind processes more of what's been happening with me spiritually I will expound more later. So my question in closing will be to anyone reading and hopefully anyone I meet , Do you really know God? I asked myself this just today,  I can just thank him for his continual love and mercies on an undeserving sinner like me.



Love in Christ Jesus
KB